He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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