You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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