I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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