I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
false alarm. still invincible.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
