I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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