I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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