so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
