Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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