Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize