Having a random hookup so left but love u
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Houston, we have a blender
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize