People in love make me want to vomit
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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