you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
