Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
