Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
