Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
