Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
