You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
