Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
