your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
