Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i think my mom watched the whole time
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
