I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My breasts were aching with rage.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
