What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
