What did we do last night that was yellow?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
