This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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