I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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