Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
