And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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