yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
