I wish I could teleport
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Less talking, more tequila
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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