I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize