you didnt know i had herpes?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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