Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
how does that bad decision feel?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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