You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
