There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
