I want to walk on stilts...naked
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
