I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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