he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
