Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
