Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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