tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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