am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
