My nipple is on Facebook.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
