Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
