just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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