If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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