I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
