Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
