When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize