I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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