Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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