you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
