what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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