either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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