I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize