Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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