i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
