The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
