what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm passing your future prison.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
