my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
