We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
