he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
