I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
