I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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