It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
