Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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