PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
